Reece Gehman, on poverty

We really wanted to bring Reece back to his homeland for a visit when he was, say, in middle school or later, so that he’d be sure and remember all that he saw, felt, and experienced.  However, circumstances dictated it differently, and we find ourselves here with him at age six.

I couldn’t be more delighted. He is absorbing his surroundings and commenting on many things he sees, and we all process it together. The first day he said, “Did this place used to be nice?” and “Why is everyone here homeless?” and a little later, “Why does that man have a huge hole in his shirt? It looks like he got attacked by a tiger and he shredded it to pieces.”  (All of this within earshot of our taxi driver, and I was a little embarrassed at the thought that those comments may have embarrassed our driver.)  I was trying to explain to him that in Ethiopia, there are not enough jobs for all the people. So a lot of people barely survive, and all the money they have gets used on food and shelter, and a hole in their shirt is not a high priority.  Reece said, “I know someone who can fix their shirts- you, Mama.”  And that’s exactly what I plan to do- I plan on going to the government orphanage and mending a lot of the tattered clothes there. I hope they will let me in, and let me do it.

I don’t want to be that kind of Mom who rubs it in Reece’s face…so I have to handle all these poverty comments delicately.  We have told Reece from day one that his Mama Wagaye had to give him up because she was so poor, that she didn’t have enough money to buy food for them, and she was afraid he would die.  I know that later in life Reece might wrestle with the fear of abandonment, so I am glad that he is seeing now, firsthand, what true poverty really looks like. And how much his birth mother loves him, that she gave up a perfect, beautiful child so that he would have a better chance to live.  Speaking of Wagaye, we have asked our agency to try and locate her so that we can meet with her again.  It’s a very loaded idea: does she even want to see us/him? Would it be too painful for her? I know she loves him, but Christian pointed out that seeing him again may open many wounds afresh for her and she may prefer leaving them alone. How will Reece react?  Will it be incredibly awkward for him, being in a room with both Mamas? Will it stir up in him these rejection feelings that are probably latent within his little soul?  We don’t even know if the agency will be able to locate her.  But we have sought it out.  I personally would LOVE to see her again- I want her to see how happy, beautiful, and bright is this child she bore- and how incredibly blessed our lives have become with him in it. I also would LOVE to help her find a stable job- she may already have one- but I’d love to hook her up with Adera, the non-profit I have been working with in making diapers for kids and selling jewelry that the Ethiopian ladies make.

In other news, I love being here during rainy season. I took a nap yesterday with the door slightly open, and the sound of softly falling rain on the Eucalyptus trees lulled me into a nostalgic sleep that reminded me of innocent days of childhood. It’s hard to explain but it was just dreamy. I know most people don’t like rain but I do- it reminds me that God is up there, doing something. It cleans the air and brightens up everything. The sound is calming and I love the smell of rain.

One more juxtaposition- jet lag should be more aptly called “jet psychosis”. Someone in our family has been waking up anywhere from 1am to 5 am, every night, and not falling back to sleep.  Last night it was me. It’s quite dreadful wanting desperately to sleep but not being able to. And knowing you have a full day ahead, and could fall asleep in one second if it were in the afternoon rainy time… knowing I will have to push through all day feeling like a zombie with a massive headache.  I try to focus on the good (of which, there is an abundance) and I get frustrated at my own “flesh” and its weakness.

We go to the Gladney Foster care every day (that’s where Saryn is staying) but for all practical purposes it’s an orphanage, so that’s what we call it to Reece.  Reece made fast friends with several children there, even though they don’t speak any English. It gives me so much joy to see him happy and playing, and it’s amazing that kids can just play by chasing each other around, jumping on cushions, throwing balls, etc. I asked Reece his favorite thing about Ethiopia, and he said “Playing with my friends.”  Sad to say, these friends are being transferred to another orphanage far away next week, so Reece will need to make some new friends.  He is keeping a little journal about his trip, and today he wrote “my friends don’t have a mom and dad”.  They were having so much fun, I was a little worried that Reece would think that being an orphan was a wonderful thing, because you get to live in a big house with lots of other kids. I need to subtly remind him of the benefits of having parents J

I asked Reece the other day, “Did you notice everyone here has brown skin like you?” and he said, “No”.  (Parenting FAIL)  I was trying to get him in touch with some of his culture, letting him know that his skin looks like his birth mom’s.  He said, “I still love you guys, but it’s not really fun having white parents.”  OUCH. I wonder if my comment provoked that, or if was from his heart. I suppose this is all part of the wrestling that comes with inter-racial adoption.